An Athosian Christmas Tale (Gen, K+, no spoilers)

[starrylizard]

atlantis_lvw challenge #3: Gifts <600 words. Here's my entry. I'm still in! Amazing!
Thanks to rinkle for the mutual beta-reading.


An Athosian Christmas Tale (Gen, K+, no spoilers)

Sheppard looked around at the Athosian children gathered before him, a small grin lighting his face. “So, that’s all you kids need to know about Jolly Old Santa Claus,” he finished. “Any questions?”

A small girl sitting at the front of the group spoke. “So, this Santa Claus comes to everyone’s houses?”

“That’s right; as long as you’ve been good.”

“And he comes down the chimney?”

“Yep!”

“But Atlantis does not have chimneys.”

“That’s true.” Sheppard nodded seriously. “Santa can also use the Stargate. He’s very adaptable that way.”

“What if the planet you live on does not have a Stargate?” This time it was a small boy who spoke.

Sheppard frowned, scrunching his face up slightly as he thought. “That’s a good question. You know how I told you that Santa travels in a Sleigh that’s pulled by Reindeer?”

The children nodded, their small heads bobbing up and down.

“Well, the sleigh is rather like a Puddle Jumper. It has a retractable top so that it can fly through space. So, he can get to any planet, Stargate or not.”

The small boy seemed to consider this idea, tilting his head to one side and frowning slightly. “But would not the reindeer die in space?” he asked.

Sheppard lifted an eyebrow. “Ah, no! They’re space reindeer. They can fly through space.”

At this, the little boy nodded and there were several moments of uncomfortable silence. Several children had very thoughtful and intense looks on their faces and Sheppard sat grinning down at them.

“Look kids, it’s magic. You’re supposed to believe in it. No one has ever really seen Santa; they just see the proof that he’s been and left his gifts.”

Just then, the door opened and McKay walked in. “Found you. Are you almost done?”
“Sure, McKay, we’re almost done. I was just explaining about Santa Claus.”

McKay snickered. “This ought to be good.”

Sheppard ignored him, but before he could continue, his ear com came alive. Major Sheppard. Please report to the Gate Room ASAP.

“On my way. Well kids, looks like I have to be going.”

“Aww!” chimed the children. “We were hoping you would tell us of Elm Street again. That tale was very funny,” one of the older children spoke up and the others nodded in agreement.

“Well, I’m sure McKay would be happy to finish telling you about Santa Claus.”

Sheppard pushed Rodney toward the front of the room, as he gave a final wave and jogged out the door.

Rodney looked at the children in disdain, wondering about the easiest way to get out of there.

“Dr McKay?” The small boy at the back piped up again. “Do you believe in Santa? Major Sheppard says he drives a Puddle Jumper Sleigh led by Space reindeer and that he travels by Stargate. Oh and he has a big red coat and a beard.”

Rodney sighed. “Look kid, you’re intelligent right?” The child nodded. “Then, like me, you are never going to believe in Santa Claus. This is all you need to know. If you pretend it’s all real, you’ll make the adults happy. Those adults then go out and buy gifts for you and pretend that Santa delivered them. So, the moral is, pretending you believe in Santa equals more gifts on Christmas Day.”

“I think I finally understand. Thank you Dr McKay. What sort of gifts do you speak of?”

When Sheppard re-entered the room a short time later, he was surprised to find McKay surrounded by excitable children, carefully rehashing every detail of the tale of Santa Claus.



_______________
EDIT: Just got my comments and this one has me confused. Is there anyone who can explain what they mean to me? Please.

...it seems to go from 3rd person omniscient pov (or maybe even John's pov, I'm not sure) to Rodney's pov part way through. It might have been better told from one of the children's pov, or maybe from an observing adult other than Rodney or Sheppard.

I thought it was all an omniscient POV (sort of like having cameras in the room). Am I wrong? How could I fix that?
Comment anonymously if you're uncomfortable. I don't bite though.

Comments

[sakuracorr.livejournal.com]

*snickers* :P

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

and that's why Rodney wins. There is a reason children follow him around.

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Yep, that or maybe they think he has chocolate...

As a kid I always loved the grumpy relatives anyway. They were more of a challenge to annoy. :P

[ljmckay.livejournal.com]

I love it! Very both of them.

And it is entirely 3rd person omniscient, from what I can see. You get the strangest commenters. ;)

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :)

I thought it was, hence the puzzlement (new word?).

[fresh-tart.livejournal.com]

My friend taught me a valuable thing about perspective within POV. Yes, the fic is 3rd person omniscient POV. I think what your commenter/reviewer meant was that the PERSPECTIVE changed - it was John's, it was in his head a bit, then he left the room and suddenly we're in Rodney's head somewhat. It's all still written in 3rd, so you're fine, but the perspective did shift a little. It would've been more noticeable (and therefore the reviewer would've had more room to be picky) had you shown either of their thoughts.

All that means is that you're fine, they're picky :D And btw, I loved this fic. SO cute.

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Ah okay. I thought it might be something like that. Like you said though, I didn't put any of their thoughts, so I didn't see it as switching POVs per se.

And thanks. Glad you liked it. :)

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Hey, just to let you know. daysofatlantis only accepts authors who are want to write episodes as members, but feel free to friend the comm. ...Or if you are interested in joining as an author, just follow the link on the userinfo page. :)

Just thought I'd let you know, because I always feel evil when I reject people's membership requests.

[fresh-tart.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you. I re-read the userinfo after I requested to join (I'm allowed one dumbass moment a year, right? ;) and realized that, so don't feel evil at all. I think I'd like to write for the comm, but I need to finish up a few dangling projects first, so I just friended it for now.

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

That was you? I loved that! :D

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Aww thanks!
Which one was yours?

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

The Conversion tag, "Some Freely".

I can't believe I'm still in. The suspense is killing me. *chews fingernails*

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Cool! I liked that one. I didn't pick it as yours either.

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

It was kind of experimental, style-wise. smuffster helped me a lot to make it readable. :)