An Athosian Christmas Tale (Gen, K+, no spoilers)

atlantis_lvw challenge #3: Gifts <600 words. Here's my entry. I'm still in! Amazing!
Thanks to rinkle for the mutual beta-reading.


( An Athosian Christmas Tale (Gen, K+, no spoilers) )

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EDIT: Just got my comments and this one has me confused. Is there anyone who can explain what they mean to me? Please.

...it seems to go from 3rd person omniscient pov (or maybe even John's pov, I'm not sure) to Rodney's pov part way through. It might have been better told from one of the children's pov, or maybe from an observing adult other than Rodney or Sheppard.

I thought it was all an omniscient POV (sort of like having cameras in the room). Am I wrong? How could I fix that?
Comment anonymously if you're uncomfortable. I don't bite though.

An Athosian Christmas Tale (Gen, K+, no spoilers)

atlantis_lvw challenge #3: Gifts <600 words. Here's my entry. I'm still in! Amazing!
Thanks to rinkle for the mutual beta-reading.


( An Athosian Christmas Tale (Gen, K+, no spoilers) )

_______________
EDIT: Just got my comments and this one has me confused. Is there anyone who can explain what they mean to me? Please.

...it seems to go from 3rd person omniscient pov (or maybe even John's pov, I'm not sure) to Rodney's pov part way through. It might have been better told from one of the children's pov, or maybe from an observing adult other than Rodney or Sheppard.

I thought it was all an omniscient POV (sort of like having cameras in the room). Am I wrong? How could I fix that?
Comment anonymously if you're uncomfortable. I don't bite though.

Elizabeth’s Gift, Gen, K+

This is the fic that I almost posted for Atlantis_lvw challenge #3: Gifts (<600 words), but I just didn't think it worked, so I wrote something else.

I just thought I'd post it here for opinions and discussion. I actually like a lot of the analogies, but I was having a lot of trouble with Sheppard and the ending just never felt right. Sort of contrite or something. Hee! I know it's not great when rinkle has the same feeling about it. (Bless her little heart!) So, feel free to comment freely on this one. Maybe one day I can fix it up.

Shep meta very welcome. How does his relationship with Elizabeth (I don't mean romantic here) function? I had a really long discussion about this with yokiem and made up my mind, but had no way to put it into words.

Oh, also, I have a feeling I was still switching tenses (even after a couple of drafts), so if you see it, point it out.


( Elizabeth’s Gift, Gen, K+ )

Elizabeth’s Gift, Gen, K+

This is the fic that I almost posted for Atlantis_lvw challenge #3: Gifts (<600 words), but I just didn't think it worked, so I wrote something else.

I just thought I'd post it here for opinions and discussion. I actually like a lot of the analogies, but I was having a lot of trouble with Sheppard and the ending just never felt right. Sort of contrite or something. Hee! I know it's not great when rinkle has the same feeling about it. (Bless her little heart!) So, feel free to comment freely on this one. Maybe one day I can fix it up.

Shep meta very welcome. How does his relationship with Elizabeth (I don't mean romantic here) function? I had a really long discussion about this with yokiem and made up my mind, but had no way to put it into words.

Oh, also, I have a feeling I was still switching tenses (even after a couple of drafts), so if you see it, point it out.


( Elizabeth’s Gift, Gen, K+ )